put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
