My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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