I must be too annoying 4 u.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
