good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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