So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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