it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
