Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
