We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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