Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
