where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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