Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
These tits shall not be calmed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
