thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
