Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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