Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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