I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Are we still banned from the library?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
