I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
