She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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