Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We left the knife in your bed.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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