We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
