So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
