Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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