when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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