my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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