At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
