Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
