are you still at the devil's house?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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