dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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