Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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