Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
