He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
