My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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