it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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