dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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