Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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