I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
