Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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