wakey wakey hands off snakey
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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