It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
