Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
