well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
