GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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