First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
