She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
