her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
