Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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