You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize