happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
