oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
