So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
