just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
