**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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