My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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