I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
