Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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