I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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