theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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