Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
