I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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