My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
