I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
