no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish you could order shots online.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
