You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
birth control should be required to get into college
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
