Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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