I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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