Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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