you win again, gameday.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
