We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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