she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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