Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
