Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
