Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
