I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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