I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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