is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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