I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
