walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
