my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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