the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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