He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
