Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's always time for handjobs
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
