I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
