Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
someone owes me an orgasm
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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