I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
