thus making me awesome and them whores
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
