i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
