We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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