you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize