i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
