Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
