haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
