we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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