She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
