you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
