i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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